Fields of hope   62 comments


This was written for the following prompt at Bluebell Books, for Short Story Slam 8,
‘write a story or poem based on the following image’.

Whispered words of dreams long past, cause turn and look askance,
This way is worn though mental path, she fears to take this chance.
His words are field of swaying grass, that brush against her life,
Tickled thoughts of painful times, she thought she left this strife.

Times were good at loves bright morn, but faded with the sun,
Laughter flees with hurtful words, their times no longer fun.
Eyes of green though his were blue, flashed bright with evil doubt,
Of what she said and where she went, his voice rose quick to shout.

Standing here among her dreams, in field of fettered chains,
She will not hear his parting thoughts, last words retain refrains.
Turning now to face her life, and paths that open wide,
Shackles drop as shedding skin, their loss reveals her pride.

In self and soul and girl within, she feels the power boil,
In cauldron hot with passions fire, new love a tensioned coil.
To seek the one who fills her soul, she turns and walks away,
From fields of dream to paths of hope, in this she has a say.

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62 responses to “Fields of hope

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  1. This is breathtaking!! I loved it… Beautiful poem (and I’m no poetry fan). Poignant take on the prompt. “Field of fettered chains” — “From fields of dream to paths of hope, in this she has a say” — Absolutely breathtaking. Did I mention you took my breath away?

    • Well my friend, you made my night. :-) Sorry to take your breath, I hope it was worth the loss.

      p.s. I’m not a poetry fan either. I have no idea how or why I write this stuff. :-)

  2. Really lovely. Suited for the image, but of course, much more than that.

  3. His words are field of swaying grass, that brush against her life,
    Standing here among her dreams, in field of fettered chains,

    these lines impressed me ! Well done to a well structured poem
    that evokes with great imagism..I shared her inner space in the field

  4. Nicely done, John. A vivid story that does this week’s prompt justice.
    fourth word, line 7?

    • You know Charles, I ‘really’ need to proofread this stuff, instead of just writing it and hitting send. Especially late at night. :-) I’m glad I have able bodied and well read crew to keep me on my toes.

      • I’m reluctant to point out things such as I noticed, John. But I thought you, like me, would aprreciate the heads up.

      • Suggest away, please. :-) I don’t know how other writers are, but I love feedback and suggestions. It puts a smile on my face to know that readers care enough about what I write, to point out errors or make suggestions. I may not take the suggestions, or even fix the errors :-), but I always appreciate the input.

  5. Beautiful.

    I like that she sees hope.

  6. Beautiful poem! I like those methapors… :)

  7. I wish I could write poetry. It is so beautiful.

  8. You inspire me, what an awesome write.

  9. Just wonderful and your words painted a very clear picture with your selection of words. Nicely done!

  10. Its almost like three stories in one. Each with a different plot. When I try to imagine the stories which these lines reveal thats what I get from it anyway. I like it.

    • Glad you enjoyed this. I tend to try and make each stanza stand on its own, and tell a different part of the story. I like to see a progression in the story with a definite beginning and end. I hope that doesn’t make my poems too disjointed.

  11. As the man once said, “malukka, malukka. . .

  12. Wow – as you once said to me – even more amazing that it was for a prompt. :)

  13. Boy this is really good! O love how you captured such emotion.
    Blessings

  14. Beautifully done. An emotional trip on freedom’s path. A story within a poem with a chance for a new beginning.

  15. Wow. I really love how you use the nature to express emotion and create imagery within the story you’re telling. As always, you spoil us with your beautiful work. :-)

  16. Hey John!
    As always I am impressed and awestruck by your amazing prose. This is a great piece of work.

    If you were not offended I did have one suggestion for the second stanza.

    Maybe to replace “laughter fades” with “laughter slips”?

    Just a thought due to the word “faded” in the previous line.

    As always you inspire me so I will try to write something today!

  17. Touching thee words…
    agin me tears doth fall.
    ..touché O master poet!

  18. touching words

  19. In self and soul and girl within, she feels the power boil,
    In cauldron hot with passions fire, new love a tensioned coil.

    amazing emotions, love it, uplifting and creative!
    ;)

  20. you are talented, keep it up.
    :)

  21. It’s a well told vivid story. I like how the fields represent the path to open spaces and eventual freedom. Great work on the prompt. My version is at http://jennifaye.wordpress.com ;)

  22. Deep and poignant … love the feeling that all is not lost … there is hope … :)

  23. When I took this picture I set my tripod up and this is EXACTLY how I felt…. Down to my green eyes! This is very well written and my favorite thus far… I pretty sure it will stay just that! Very talented you are!

  24. Truly takes you to where she is! You place us in the pciture captured in the words you write. Beautiful!
    Blessings

  25. Now I have Eva Cassidy’s lilting voice stuck in my head, singing Fields of Gold. That’s a good thing :)

    • I had not heard of her or that song before, so I went looking. What a beautiful voice and song. It is truly an honor to have my words thought of at the same time as Eva’s music. Thank you for your wonderful comment, and for helping me find her songs.

  26. A very poignant poem.
    I loved the hope captured in that last line, “From fields of dream, to paths of hope ….”
    A great read – thank you.

  27. “field of fettered chains” <————– LOVE THIS!
    Wonderful and emotionally rich poem!

  28. Well, you’ve done it again. You’ve taken a simple image and added so much to it with your wondrous word-smithing abilities! :) I am glad that you made it about a strong woman and that you included hope. It echoes the vastness of the horizon which the woman is contemplating, although how you knew her eyes were green, I have no idea. ;) :P

    • ALL women are strong, even when they don’t realize it.

      Funny thing about the green eyes though. What I was trying to say, was the mans eyes were green with envy, even though they were actually blue. Didn’t seem to come out that way It seems. :-)

  29. P.S. One very minor Grammar Nazi point: “To seek the one that (who) fills her soul” – “that” should be “who”, because you’re talking about a person (or at least a personification).

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